


Cuddles

by bbangcore



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crushes, Cuddles, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, K-Pop - Freeform, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Up, Mild Angst, Only in like the first chapter though, Referenced Haoshua, Referenced Jeongcheol, Referenced Jigyu, Supportive best friend Seokmin, Vernon doesn't understand his emotions, Vernon sounds like an asshole at one point but I promise it's okay, relatively short chapters, soft, verkwan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25873093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbangcore/pseuds/bbangcore
Summary: Vernon and Seungkwan aren't dating. They just so happen to have a habit where they end up in each other's arms every day.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Verkwan - Relationship
Comments: 13
Kudos: 152





	1. Chapter 1

Seungkwan had always been the clingy type his whole life.

However when he was freshly banded together with a dozen other boys on the road to being an idol, he was initially too shy to act on his natural persistence.

He thought the other boys, who were his soon-to-be band members, would find his constant need for attention as bothersome.

Thankfully, it wasn't long until Seungkwan started blossoming more into himself.

He grew extremely close with some of the members around his age, like Vernon and Seokmin.

He was very grateful that his leader, Seungcheol, was also very social and bright, making everyone feel included and comfortable.

As friendly as Seungkwan portrayed himself and as he tried to embrace his vibrant personality during these times, he couldn't help the constant ache inside.

He was always in need of affection, but never asked for any, as he was afraid the members would get a bad needy impression of him.

It wasn't until being about a few months together where Seungkwan really noticed the skinship arising between all the members.

Cold quiet Jihoon would always be in big warm Mingyu's lap.

Shy Minghao and outgoing Joshua would be laughing together despite the language barrier.

Strong leader Seungcheol and elegant Jeonghan seemed to never separate from each other.

Seungkwan was amazed on how all the boys, despite their diverse characteristics, all got along.

He never saw himself as the type to initiate the skinship though, at least ever since he started training with the others.

At home, Seungkwan wouldn't hesitate to annoy his family with hugs and kisses.

But here, he was slightly more reserved.

After all, how was he supposed to act around a dozen other teenage boys that he was still getting to know?

The first time he actually made affectionate contact with anyone, it was spontaneous and not on his part.

Seungkwan remembered he was watching Soonyoung dance crazily when Vernon came up from behind him and wrapped his arms around the older's waist.

Vernon looked at him with a youthful smile through the mirror despite being slightly shorter, and pulled Seungkwan closer to him.

Seungkwan never knew what provoked Vernon to do that in that moment, but he wasn't complaining. 

The two grew closer and closer throughout pre-debut times, as Vernon was really the only person Seungkwan was most comfortable with regarding physical contact.

Back then, Seungkwan claimed Vernon as his best friend.

As they grew up, backhugs turned to hugs, and hugs turned into more affectionate actions like hand holding, head pats, everything.

And Seungkwan thought he couldn't be happier


	2. Chapter 2

By the time Seventeen debuted, Seungkwan was entirely comfortable with everyone.

He no longer had such thick barriers around himself.

He became more social as well, not just sticking to Seokmin or Vernon, but branching out to the more distant members.

He'd hold Wonwoo's hand or snuggle against Minghao.

The years of training with these sweet 12 other boys really must have paid off.

All because of Vernon's small action, he had gotten more confident in himself and seeking out the other members to fill his continuous need for attention.

Speaking of Vernon, he had grown so much.

His hair had grown out longer.

His voice got deeper.

He was now about an inch taller than Seungkwan.

That being so, it made it more convenient for Seungkwan when he wanted to cuddle.

Yes, their hugs have now progressed into laying in each other's arms and relaxing for hours when they had the chance.

When they did cuddle together- usually late at night after practice when Seungkwan would sneak out of his dorm to lay with the latter- Vernon would have no problem with it.

He would always be glad to spend more time with Seungkwan, and seeing that reaction had always brightened Seungkwan's mood, no matter the situation.

They've only had a few ups and downs, not with each other, but individual emotional troubles.

The stress of being an idol could be so overbearing at times, especially as rookies.

But throughout all of those times, Vernon was always there for Seungkwan.

Vernon, now being bigger than Seungkwan, could envelope him into his arms much easier.

Especially after a long performance or practice, the first place Seungkwan would head to is Vernon's embrace.

Seungkwan snuggled with just about everyone, but cuddles with Vernon were the best.

Maybe because they were best friends.

Maybe because they were the same age.

Maybe because Vernon was his safe space.

Sure, Seungcheol's strong arms were nice and Mingyu's body was warm and cozy, but something about Vernon just made the intimate moments more special.

Maybe it was his deep voice coaxing Seungkwan through his slumber.

Maybe it was the feel of Vernon's long hair tickling his face and neck the nights the latter would bury his face into Seungkwan's chest.

Maybe it was just because he was closest with Vernon.

That had to be understandable, right?

It's not that he didn't like the affection from the other members, in fact he loved it, as it fueled his constant need for adoration.

Seungkwan didn't care though, as the shared moments between him and Vernon had now become regular, almost like a schedule.

The other members didn't seem to be bothered either, as they were all occupied with whatever they were doing in their free time.

Seungkwan and Vernon were just closer than ever, and they enjoyed every bit of it.

No one wanted to interfere with that.


	3. Chapter 3

As the year progressed, the cuddle sessions never stopped.

In fact, they became more frequent.

Rather than just being in the dorms at night, Vernon and Seungkwan would spend time together wherever and whenever they wanted to.

If they were having a movie night with the boys, they'd be sure to occupy the couch first so Seungkwan could sprawl himself out to lay on Vernon's chest.

No room on the sofa?

No worries.

They'd take their pillows and blankets and snuggle together on the floor if they had to.

Seungkwan found his clingy behavior towards Vernon as an addiction.

But Vernon never seemed to mind the nonstop attention.

After all, Seungkwan was like a teddy bear, one that he could snuggle against all day long.

Even after a rough day, the minute Seungkwan would instinctively crawl into Vernon's arms, it would lighten up the mood immensely.

The warmth and safety Vernon emitted had made Seungkwan feel more content than he ever had in his entire life.

Even hugs from his own mother had never given him this surge of emotions.

Speaking of emotions, Seungkwan had been having an internal conflict.

When he cuddled Vernon lately, his heartbeat tended to quicken, and he never wanted to leave his embrace.

Some would say Seungkwan was catching feelings.

Seungkwan was in denial and brushed it off as nothing.

But with every sigh of relief as he entered Vernon's arms, with every flare of blush that would creep up his cheeks when Vernon complimented him, with every gentle smile plastered on his face when he fell asleep knowing Vernon was there for him, Seungkwan didn't know how to feel.

These were just brotherly actions being taken out of proportion in Seungkwan's head.

Or so he thought.

But no one brought up that their constant cuddling was suspicious or a bother.

So they proceeded, and their relationship seemed to blossom even outside just cuddling.

When Seungkwan was having a bad day, Vernon would be the first person to treat him to a meal and movie night, praising him all the while.

If Vernon was exhausted, Seungkwan felt obligated to go on about how hard working and amazing the other male was, then ending the night by singing him to sleep.

The more they spent time together, the more Seungkwan's feelings got stronger.

It was to the point where every time they hugged, every time they held hands, or just briefly made eye contact, Seungkwan was questioning all of his feelings.

No doubt he loved Vernon.

But did he love Vernon like a brother, or some other way?

It had to be wrong to have feelings for a boy- nonetheless his band member- but Seungkwan had always been easily swayed by his emotions.

He didn't think he could handle another broken heart.

He didn't want to hurt Vernon either.

So he kept doing the usual with him, hugging, cuddling, anything fluffy and affectionate.

Actions that the fans would view as nothing more than skinship, but meant so much to Seungkwan.

And with every touch, Seungkwan's confusion was masked away with the overwhelming feeling of love.

As torturous as it was to not be able to do anything further than cuddles, Seungkwan bared it.

He bared it for the sake of Vernon.

He didn't want to lose Vernon from his own mistakes.


	4. Chapter 4

One would think that over the following years, Seungkwan's feelings would grow stronger, along with the bond between him and Vernon.

Well, that's partially true.

Seungkwan's feelings never stopped, in fact, they have got to the point where he had the need to tell Seokmin as a help for emotional assistance.

But on the other hand, something had happened to Vernon and Seungkwan's bond.

It all occurred one day when Seungkwan woke up, and he wasn't engulfed in Vernon's arms.

He was confused.

He didn't remember anything out of the usual happening the night prior.

He thought Vernon was in the bathroom or getting a drink, but when Seungkwan searched the house, Vernon was nowhere to be found.

They had about a week long break before the group had to start practicing and conditioning again for a music show, so Seungkwan wouldn’t be surprised if Vernon spent this time going outside or being with other friends. 

So he asked Seokmin if he saw Vernon anywhere.

All he remembered was Seokmin's expression, how he looked like he was trying to display bad news but keep the mood light.

He masked his questionable words with an unsure smile.

Seokmin said that Vernon was taking a break and was visiting family, and was planning to spend the next week out of the house.

Initially Seungkwan just thought that it was fine.

But wouldn't- regarding how close the two were- Vernon tell Seungkwan where he was going if he had any plans?

He always did prior, so Seungkwan was bewildered.

Seungkwan knew how his clinging could become unbearable, so he was a little more understanding if Vernon just needed some time to himself in that case.

But still, couldn't Vernon just tell him that?

Was Vernon afraid that Seungkwan wouldn't understand?

Seungkwan let his mind race, but didn't think much of it well after.

Later that afternoon, he called Vernon to see what was up, trying not to spam him with texts or phone calls.

Vernon didn't pick up, which was extremely unlike him.

Maybe he was just busy.

But when it became later and later, and Vernon still didn't return a call, Seungkwan felt a bit down.

Vernon always had his phone on him; was he doing this on purpose?

Seungkwan somehow thought Vernon's absence was his fault, that he was too clingy and never gave Vernon time to himself.

Seokmin told him to relax, and that even if Vernon didn't answer him, he was sure he was okay and would be home soon.

Sleeping was much harder for Seungkwan those nights.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay things take a little bit of a turn here it’s okay to be mad at Vernon lol

As the week progressed, so did Seungkwan's bad sleeping habits.

Vernon used to always be there for him to keep him in check.

Now, Seungkwan was alone, and Vernon never responded to his calls.

Seungkwan just tried to think of Seokmin's reassuring words, that even though Vernon didn't answer, he was still going to be back fine.

He figured Vernon was just taking a technology cleanse, but his heartstrings were tugged hard when he heard that Vernon had called Seungcheol and Joshua.

But didn’t call his best friend of all time.

Vernon had to be ignoring Seungkwan on purpose now.

Seungkwan just didn't know what he did wrong, what he did to trigger anything to upset Vernon, to distance him.

The agonizingly long week had finally come to an end though, and Seungkwan's doubts were immediately washed away when he heard Seungcheol greet Vernon at the front door.

Seungkwan, with the brightest smile on his face, called out Vernon's name excitedly as he approached the doorway.

He was so happy that his safe space was back.

He was so eager to feel Vernon's warmth, hear his praise, and make up for all their missing cuddles.

But something dropped inside Seungkwan when Vernon didn't even bother to look in his direction.

He knew Vernon heard him, and he knew Vernon knew very well how conversation-ready Seungkwan was everytime they came home from an event.

Seungkwan's smile sunk as Vernon simply walked towards his room.

His heartbeat quickened, but not in a love-struck way.

In anxiousness.

What could've he possibly done to have Vernon behave this way towards him?

Maybe he was just tired after spending the week out.

But even when Vernon was tired, he'd be sure to have Seungkwan cuddle with him, for him to sing him to sleep.

Seokmin came up to Seungkwan and tried to appease the situation, but at this point the denial was all gone.

Vernon was distancing himself from Seungkwan on purpose at this point, but Seungkwan just didn't know why.

Maybe he was having mood swings, as Seungkwan had his fair share as well.

It frustrated Seungkwan to know something was wrong with his beloved Vernon because of a fault of his somehow.

As the next week began, Vernon didn't even acknowledge Seungkwan's obvious presence.

He didn’t spare him a glance at dance rehearsal, let alone interact with him at the dorm. 

And it hurt Seungkwan- bad- but his feelings for Vernon remained the same.

He told himself earlier that he couldn't handle another broken heart.

But Vernon owned his heart and more.

If he lost Vernon, especially because of himself, he wouldn't know what to do with himself.

Their bond, their memories, all would mean nothing.

Seungkwan never craved cuddles more than ever at this moment, but refused to be held by anyone else.

It just wasn't the same, and if Vernon would keep ignoring Seungkwan, he wouldn't ever be the same.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh anticipation i swear y'all will get answers soon don't think vernon is evil

2 months went by, and Seungkwan didn't even know how he was surviving.

Vernon hadn't really spoken to him since.

The most physical contact they've had was brushing by each other in the dorm.

Seungkwan would let his gaze long towards the other, but Vernon, again, refused to acknowledge his presence.

The only time Vernon would actually address him or somewhat speak with him was in rehearsal.

Even standing next to him felt awkward.

Seungkwan wanted to confront him.

He wanted to pull Vernon aside and yell at him, cry to him, ask him why he was acting so distant, ask what he could've possibly done wrong.

But Seungkwan feared confrontation.

It has resulted in many painful reactions in the past, and he didn't want to go through that again. 

So Seungkwan just dealt with this newfound absence in this heart.

He was so tired.

The last time he slept sound was the night before everything changed.

The night he was bundled up in Vernon's arms, taking in the scent of his cologne, embracing his warmth, burying his face into his chest.

Who knew all of that could change so fast for the most unknown reasons.

Seungkwan still thought this was his fault. 

That somehow he did something to make Vernon despise him.

Was it because of how clingy he was?

Was it because he was too demanding for attention?

Seungkwan was right to himself.

He couldn't handle another broken heart, and at this moment, his heart was near shattered.

The one little thing holding it together was Seokmin's encouragement, always saying that Vernon can't ignore him forever, and that they were bound to discuss their differences eventually.

But Seungkwan thought otherwise.

He reflected on his past, on all the times he had been let down, lied to, left.

All the times he lost someone he loved, all the times he was abandoned in a void of neglect.

But he loved too easily, and knew better.

He just thought Vernon would be different.

Yet he still pulled through with hope, and that worn out hope has held him up throughout his whole life.

Maybe that hope was too dull by now.

At this moment, it was the group's day off, and everyone was in the living room watching a movie.

Seungkwan was on the couch, Seokmin beside him with an arm around him.

Vernon sat on the ground by the opposite side of the couch from Seungkwan, his head on Chan's shoulder.

No doubt all the other boys noticed the sudden distance between Seungkwan and Vernon, but instead of speaking to the two about it, they keep their opinions on the matter to themselves.

The members probably thought they would settle their issues eventually.

After all, fights and grudges in a 13-person-home weren't very uncommon.

Seungkwan stared blankly at the TV screen, aware of Seokmin's comforting presence beside him, but it wasn't doing much to raise his mood.

He had an inevitable sinking in his chest, and he couldn't seem to pull through a grin.

It has been so hard to smile ever since Vernon started ignoring him.

Seungkwan loved Seokmin, and really appreciated his efforts in being by his side no matter what, but compared to Vernon, it just wasn't the same.

Seungkwan let his mind wander, reflecting and reliving memories based off the movie they were watching.

A particular scene triggered a thought to spark in Seungkwan's mind, one of his dearest memories.

He remembered one special night.

It was well past midnight and the boys had just returned from a flight home after one of their earliest international tours.

Seungkwan recalled while everyone went straight to bed, he stayed up, sitting on the couch alone.

It was a really rough night for him, as he had been feeling under the weather, didn't feel like he performed his best, and was aware of the criticism he was receiving online because of it.

Vernon stayed up with him, persisting on Seungkwan speaking up on how he felt.

That was the first night Seungkwan had really broken down, but Vernon listened to him, held him as he cried.

He remembered the specific instance how Vernon cupped his face in his hands, looked him straight in the eyes.

Sure it might have been the only way to shut Seungkwan up from crying so obnoxiously that night, but Seungkwan always treasured the moment, especially the words Vernon said.

_"No matter what happens,"_

_"No matter what anyone says,"_

_"You are beautiful,"_

_"You are perfect to me,"_

_"And I love you."_


	7. Chapter 7

Seungkwan tried to hold himself together but ultimately failed.

Seungkwan burst into tears right then and there, Seokmin immediately noticing and tending to his aid.

He tried to let the tears fall silently, but guilt and humiliation was overcoming him.

The other boys were confused as to why Seungkwan just started crying, but nonetheless their attention went towards him to see what was wrong.

Seungkwan buried his face into Seokmin's shoulder, sobbing embarrassingly louder than he wanted to.

He knew he was making a fool of himself in front of the others.

He knew the others would see him as oversensitive.

The boys had no idea what was going through his head, so he didn't blame them for being confused.

But he had been holding these feelings of distraught for too long.

Although he was blinded by his own tears, deaf by his own cries, he felt every single member's gaze on him.

While Seokmin tried consoling him, Seungkwan heard Seungcheol's deep whisper from a separate side conversation, but couldn't hear well enough.

When he managed to pull himself away from Seokmin, he noticed all the boys around him, staring at him in concern and sympathy.

It wasn't until Seungkwan turned his head to where he had heard Seungcheol's voice; his eyes widened in shock and indignity.

There was Vernon staring straight at him, watching as Seungkwan made a fool out of himself.

For the little time they have interacted these past couple months, Seungkwan didn't realize until now that he hasn't made eye contact with Vernon in forever.

Maybe it was because Seungkwan was so fragile in this moment that Vernon seemed so much more mature now.

It seemed like within 2 months, he had grown so much without Seungkwan.

But his eyes remained the same, the gentle yet powerful bronze gaze that Seungkwan was in love with.

Seungkwan was ashamed.

Having Vernon seeing him red faced, tears coating his chubby cheeks with a pitifully exhausted expression.

It was just too much.

The two locked eyes for what felt as long as years, when in reality it was but a matter of seconds.

Seungkwan, as much as he wanted to, didn't allow himself to get attached too much to Vernon's gaze.

He looked away, back to Seokmin and the others, and took a deep breath.

_"I'm fine."_

He said, in a shaky, least convincing tone possible.

His lips quivered as he mumbled, choking back embarrassment as he refused to shame himself further.

_"Sorry. I was being dramatic. I think I'm going to bed."_

With that, Seungkwan stood up, and walked rather quickly to his room.

He collapsed to his bed, burying his face into a pillow.

He exhaled hard and proceeded to release his remaining repressed sobs until his eyes stung and his throat was sore.

Why did he have to ruin everything?

It was frustrating.

He didn't know what he did, but whatever it was, it caused whatever him and Vernon had to break.

He knew Vernon meant the world to him, but he didn't know that just the latter's absence of friendship could dig such a hole into his heart.

His temples were thumping in a mix of exasperation and grief.

Suddenly, there was a knock at his door.

Seungkwan thought it had to be Seokmin for obvious reasons, so he didn't even pretend to be asleep, as he knew Seokmin wouldn't fall for it.

Seungkwan prepared himself for Seokmin's lecture of encouragement, wiping his tired eyes and sitting up on his bed. 

When the door pushed open, however, it was the last person Seungkwan thought would be there for him at the moment.

Standing in the middle of the doorway was, in fact, Vernon.


	8. Chapter 8

Seungkwan didn't know what to say, or if he should say anything at all.

So many thoughts were rushing through his mind at the sight of Vernon.

He choked on his words, and just stared at the other male in his doorway.

_"Kwannie,"_

It felt like forever since Seungkwan heard Vernon speak directly to him, let alone say his name.

Hearing him address him in that usual fond tone he used long ago caused a greater build up of emotions inside Seungkwan.

_"Can we talk?"_

Vernon sounded unsure, uncertain on how to approach the boy he had left on edge for so long now.

Seungkwan took a deep breath, nodding, knowing his face and hair were still messy from his breakdown, but not caring to polish himself.

As awful as he felt within, he needed to let Vernon know what he did to him.

Seungkwan may have looked a mess, but this mess was is what his reality has become.

Vernon knew how emotionally dependent Seungkwan was, especially with him, so to leave him unknowing and hurt like that for so long was excruciating.

Vernon shut the door behind him and approached Seungkwan, taking a seat beside him on the bed.

The same bed they speant years worth cuddling in.

The same bed Seungkwan would sing Vernon to sleep in.

The same bed where they droned on lazily about their dreams and stars and music.

All the memories the littlest subjects contained displayed their most cherished moments together.

Vernon looked down at his hands.

_"I don't really know what to say."_

Seungkwan was screaming in his head.

Just having Vernon speak in his direction was enough to fulfill the neglect.

However Seungkwan was so angry.

Vernon _abandoned_ him, and now _he_ doesn't know what to say?

_"I wanna start off with an apology."_

Vernon sighed, turning to Seungkwan and looking right into his eyes.

Seungkwan was falling again.

Falling for Vernon.

Every time Vernon used to speak with him so intently while hypnotizing him with his gorgeous eyes, Seungkwan melted further into the abyss called love.

Suddenly, Vernon gently took hold of Seungkwan's hands, which were held loosely in his lap.

He used to do that all the time, always when assuring Seungkwan of something.

Seungkwan swallowed as he focused on the features of Vernon's face. 

He was so mature.

So grown.

Back in the day, when their fluffy actions were a matter of pure youth, Vernon could never keep a straight face, and none of their conversations were truly grave.

Seungkwan had always seen him as his adorable best friend, the boy who stayed by his side pre-debut.

He seemed like a whole different person now; his distance from Seungkwan seemed to have him forget who he truly was.

He lived every day perfectly fine without Seungkwan, as if the absence of his best friend hasn't impacted his life whatsoever.

Meanwhile Seungkwan on the other hand was suffering day in and day out.

Seungkwan wasn't going to put up a false front.

He was hurt, and he wasn't going to conceal it this time.

As much as Seungkwan usually pacified every situation, he needed Vernon to see the lonely, sad person he unfortunately has become.

He just awaited what Vernon would say, and how he could possibly explain himself, how he could gain Seungkwan's trust back.

But the longer he held his hands and stared into his eyes, the further Seungkwan was slipping into that inescapable state called falling in love.


	9. Chapter 9

_"I should explain myself."_

Vernon's previous loose grip on Seungkwan's hands tightened, yet still managed to cradle his hands like the delicate doves they were.

Seungkwan didn't dare pull away.

As desperate as he was for 2 months, he didn't think he could handle another moment away from Vernon.

His palms surged with warmth.

The warmth of reassurance, security, the familiar home of a safe space.

As upset as Seungkwan was, he couldn't bare to let go.

_"I am so incredibly sorry."_

Vernon's voice wavered, his eyes twinkling in the glare of the hall light that shined bright through the cracks of the bedroom door.

Was this genuine?

All it took was Seungkwan's obnoxious outburst of tears to get Vernon to finally talk to him?

_"I don't even know what came over me."_

_"I'm so so stupid and immature."_

_"I'm such a horrible person for ignoring you."_

_"But trust me when I say it's not your fault,"_

_"It's mine."_

Seungkwan was lost in Vernon's eyes, yet still barely able to comprehend his words.

His heart was filling up again, as if the long horrible times of loneliness were washing away within the instant.

Was Vernon really trying to rekindle their bond?

Or was he just letting him down easy?

_"I guess the truth is, when I was being distant,"_

_"Even though now I know it was the wrong way to go about it,"_

Vernon spoke slow, looking down at their intertwined hands again.

Seungkwan's sore eyes remained fixated on the boy before him, his heart silently yearning for Vernon to hold his hands like this forever.

_"I had no intentions of hurting you."_

_"I know I must've worried you when I came home, being a complete jerk."_

The memories of Vernon just passing him by stung Seungkwan in the chest, making his tired heart ache.

_"I know how much you tried to remain positive about the situation."_

He took a deep sigh, gently rubbing the knuckles on Seungkwan's small hands.

The simple gesture sent hundreds of flashbacks through Seungkwan's head.

Lazy nights where they'd lay around, going over meaningless conversations, and Vernon would do the smallest things to him that would make him fall for him even harder.

Whether that was tucking his hair behind his ear, caressing Seungkwan's cheek, or running his fingers over Seungkwan's hands like he was doing just now.

_"I kept mostly in touch with Seungcheol."_

_"He told me how you haven't been the same."_

_"Was I really that important to you?"_

Seungkwan couldn't even believe Vernon would ask something like that.

He wanted to shout.

_Yes, yes you are._

_You are the most important thing in my life._

_Can't you see how much I can't live without you by my side?_

But he just pursed his lips and nodded slowly.

Couldn't Vernon just cut to the chase already?

Couldn't he just say the reason he hated Seungkwan so suddenly to erase this anxiety boiling over inside Seungkwan's soul?

Vernon's words seemed to have caught in his throat.

_"Then I should tell you why I've been acting different."_

He took a deep breath, almost as if he was about to deliver bad news.

Seungkwan's heart sunk, torn between bewilderment and anticipation.

_"The night I left without saying anything, it was because I didn't think I could deal with my feelings."_

_"If I had been near you any longer, I don't think I would've been able to help myself."_

_"And I know that sounds like the worst excuse ever."_

_"Looking back on it, I was so selfish and rude, and I regret it."_

Seungkwan cocked his head in confusion.

Did Vernon really despise him that much?

Couldn't he have just said he needed some time to himself?

But Seungkwan forced himself to shut up his thoughts and hear what Vernon had to say.

Despite how lazy this apology might be.

Despite how broken he felt.

He would give Vernon a chance for explanation, unlike what the latter had done for him.

_"I know I should've just explained myself to you in the first place, and I feel so dumb now that I didn't."_

_"If I just talked to you beforehand, none of this would have happened, and I admit it's all my fault._

_"These months have been hard for me emotionally, but I can't imagine the pain you're in."_

_"It's okay if you hate me; I would hate me too after what I put you through."_

_"I guess what I'm trying to say, Kwannie, that you made me feel things throughout these years that I've never felt before."_

_"And I was addicted to the way you made me feel."_

_"So I was scared that those feelings were wrong, and tried to get rid of them by distancing myself from you."_

_"I don't know what suddenly compelled me to act on my thoughts 2 months ago, but I was impulsive, and again it was dumb."_

_"I thought separating us would weaken our friendship, and help me figure myself out, in case I was deluded by any chance."_

_"That didn't really work out, as it only seemed to make them stronger, because I missed you."_

_"I wasn't thinking about how it would affect you though, which again was so selfish and ignorant of me."_

_"I'm sorry I was so stupid, and I've been such a bad friend to you."_

_"I can't tell you how bad I feel for hurting you, and I know I should speak my mind now before it's too late."_

_"You can hate me if you want to- truly I don't blame you if you do- but there is something you should know."_

Vernon briefly looked down before pulling Seungkwan closer, staring straight into the other's eyes.

He used to be so shy when it came to these things.

Vernon really had blossomed into something different.

His expression seemed desperate.

He must've really been serious.

_"I'm in love with you."_


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy this is the last chapter! i hope you guys enjoyed the story! thank you so much for the support. your positive comments make me so happy.

Another year had passed.

Another year of performances, haircuts, cuddles.

Everything after that night had eventually spiraled into a relationship.

Of course, the two didn't make up completely overnight.

Although Vernon apologized for his absence, he still had to repay Seungkwan with constant kisses and long speeches on how he cherished him so much and would never leave him again.

Seungkwan even had a grudge against the latter, as Vernon would never understand the heartbreak Seungkwan had to experience.

Seungkwan wanted to hate him, he really did.

The way Vernon- his safe space- abandoned him was horrible.

The torturous months with no physical affection left Seungkwan so touch-starved and defeated.

However Seungkwan couldn't deny his heart, and eventually gave in to Vernon's apology.

After all Vernon had been practically begging, pleading for Seungkwan's forgiveness for weeks.

Seungkwan knew that if this were any other person, he would've just cut them out of his life.

But this was _Vernon_.

The boy who has meant the absolute world to him for years and years.

The boy who he spent every moment growing up with.

The boy who he has had an undeniable love for from his adolescence to now.

No matter how much Seungkwan hated Vernon, he would always have a special place in his heart for him regardless.

It took a while, but Seungkwan ultimately forgave him.

He put his trust back into Vernon, once again giving him his heart to protect.

And well, it was the best decision he could have possibly made.

They couldn't have been any happier.

That specific evening had it's fair share of long tearful conversations, but all turned out well in the end.

In fact, it resulted in weeks later, Vernon and Seungkwan standing hand in hand before all the other members.

They announced themselves as an official couple, even though Seokmin and Seungcheol had previously been aware.

There was applause and acceptance, and Seungkwan had never felt more loved, more safe.

There were many dates, many kisses, many long nights.

Sometimes, the most special of days were only made up of domestic small moments.

Vernon loved everything about Seungkwan, and felt the need to make that known all the time.

From showering him with compliments when he woke up, to peppering him with kisses when he went to bed.

Since their coming forth, Vernon never made it unclear of how much he regretted ever denying Seungkwan of love, but by now, Seungkwan put all of that behind them.

After all, those months seemed so long ago now.

Seungkwan's heart was fully repaired, and his constant desire for affection has been fueled ever since.

As much as the two loved each other, they still had to keep their relationship private to the fans and the company.

There was no dating ban in Pledis, but it was recommended that their relationships were announced to fend off delusional fans.

That, or stay utterly silent about it.

Not only were they idols dating, but they were both boys, making their situation very difficult for the public to receive.

Seungkwan knew he wasn't ready for the company or carats to know.

Vernon agreed and supported him nonetheless, and would help come out when they were ready, even if that time was much further down the line.

They still had their ordeals of cafe dates or garden strolls together, only some of their moments captured by fansites or passerbys, but nothing too suggestive to raise suspicions.

It started to feel like debut days again, except with the bonuses of kissing and more.

Vernon was so incredibly infatuated with Seungkwan; it was like a living romance movie.

And Seungkwan the same, seeing Vernon as his knight in shining armor.

The two completed each other, and it was like a blessing come true.

Returning back to the present, this evening was the anniversary of their one year together.

They were wrapped up in a large blanket on the couch after a long day of rehearsal for their comeback.

It was late at night, and no one else was up to interrupt their moment.

Seungkwan was bundled up in Vernon's arms.

Just like old times.

For the first few minutes, the atmosphere was silent and calm, until Vernon did his usual droning on about what was to happen in the future: with the fans, with Seventeen, with him and Seungkwan.

And as anxious as Seungkwan naturally was, he just snuggled impossibly closer to his boyfriend, and clung to him in full relaxation.

Vernon brushed Seungkwan's bangs away and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

No matter how long they would be together, Seungkwan would nonetheless forever melt at the smallest gestures.

Whether those actions were hugs, kisses, or _cuddles_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank y'all so much for liking this story! my jigyu story is also up now! i really appreciate you guys! <3


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